wasted webs

Spin
ning
web
s in
vert
ical
colu
mns
can
bea
com
plete
wast
eof p
recio
us ti
me,
espe
cially
whe
n we
have
n’t an
y time
to spe
nd dill
ydally
ing wit
h web
s, but
quite
possi
bly if
we ca
n und
erstan
d the c
once
pt of
time
then
mayb
e we’l
l be ab
le to f
ind so
me to
waste
on
webs.

love

Heart pounding,
Faint feeling,
Breath choking,
Limbs trembling,
Palms sweating,
Stomach curdling,
Joints cringing,
Knees buckling.

And that’s just at the thought of you.

sleeping with spiders

I have an uneasiness brewing in my veins that has overwhelmed me with the wickedness of the bleeding progress of our species.

I have a sordid inclination that leads me toward believing that if I sleep with my eyes closed that spiders will crawl inside me and gnaw at my organs from the inside out.

I have an irrational fear that if I tried to tell you how lovely you are that you’d laugh heartily in my face only before taking another shot of Jack.

I have a hunch that you are never coming back to this town, to this bed, to this love. And that’s okay because I’m better off sleeping with spiders.

this is goodbye

I watch,
helpless,
as the beast tears
your flesh from the bone.

While the blood gushes
from your countless wounds,
I scream in silence
as you’re being eaten alive.

A mix of blood and saliva
drips off the teeth of the beast,
into your eyes,
blinding you.

Snarling and shredding of skin,
The beast has taken you over;
there is no return, for it has begun
to claw at your heart and brain.

All I can do is watch,
as the beast is set to devour you;
you could get away,
if only you’d try.

But no, you’re not a victim,
you're quite content with being eaten alive.
I’ll leave you now, just like she’ll leave your rotting carcass
when she’s done sucking you dry.

in an instant

Sweetness seeps from your pores.
I soak you up, a setting sun.
Your bronzed skin crawls over my pale limbs.
Come to me, you say, with sweet, whiskey breath.
You let me fall into your chest.
I can hear your heart beating,
Thuh-thump, thuh-thump.
I could get lost in your reverie.

Leave me here with you, now.
Let this moment last a little longer,
If only it be for an instant.
Find me holding on,
Cherishing it to the last nano-second
of time only to find that I am still here
just holding on.

Wrap your arms around my tattooed frame.
Run your fingers through my hair,
As I smile into your loving eyes,
This will only last a minute.

please, don't wake me

I’m glad I’m a dreamer:
one last chance to see you again.
Right in front of me, tall and thin,
smiling in my direction.
Grab hold of my hand, tight;
twirl me around in the glowing air.

I open my eyes to the sunrise,
a beautiful sight, I’m sure,
but nothing compared to your eyes,
to your touch, your love.
Pieces of me floating through space;
I make it through the day
to get to the night,
one last time with you.

I’m glad I’m a dreamer:
I get to hear your voice.
You talk to me, you love with me.
Nights are cold,
when you’re lonely and forgotten.
Lost in a world of subconscious,
please, don’t wake me.

love poem

i want to write a song for you,
but the words just don't seem right.
phrases keep fighting in my mind,
a lover's quarrel i'm sure.

pen to paper, pen to paper,
crumpled, then gone. start again.
this is no writer's block;
i've been choking on half-chewed chords for days.

you've filled me up with emotion,
my mind is overflowing
with words i want to write
but i just can't find the words.

curse you, indescribable hope,
undeniable feeling, cryptic love.
be gone, once more,
so i can write again.

lost

Crinkled maps trembling with tears,
Clutched tightly in my clenched fists,
Turning it sideways, trying to make sense.
Nothing looks familiar.

Creating sensible paths that lead to dead ends
But never losing faith in the trail.

Trying to find the green grass on the other side,
But every time, I find, the grass only seems greener.
In reality, most of the grass turns out to be a pale yellow,
Not really much better than the grass I’d been in before.

when it looks like love, i won't run

I will stare such a beast in his eye,
Stand this ground.
I will not hold my tongue.
When that beast challenges me,
I will fight; yes fight, to the death.
Bearing in a brawl of blood and guts,
The glorious victor will show true.
Yes, I may fall and bruise.
And yes, I may get hurt.
But, along the way my worth shall show genuine and
This will also be true for that of the beast.
For to fight for worth, the beast knows,
Is the trust test of love that any man could fathom.
So I tell you now, and forever, let it be heard,
That I will not run, no, I will fight that beast
And bring his head down to earth where it will stay.

And I will love that love
Until the truest definition of love has lost its meaning,
When love is commonplace
And no longer extraordinary,
But then there would be no love;
So, I shall love that love until there is no love,
But love has always been
And will always be,
Therefore,
I will love that love
As long as I am able
To be.

irony

No More

pretty, white dresses - thin physique
long, brown, wavy locks - shining
bronzed, soft skin - sun-kissed pink
bikini line - shows where not to touch
holding hands - bare knuckles tight
rose bouquets - anniversaries
love, the most basic form - raw hearts
butterflies - fluttering nervous system
i love you’s - say it like you mean it
protection - your arms around me
logic - everything that made sense


Replaced With

stained, baggy jeans - thunder thighs
short, stubby dead ends - broken
pale, scarred epidermis - lifeless pores
one tone - makes for no boundaries
bony fingers, sweaty palms-shaky
nothingness - empty pillows
indifference - a burning numbness
yellow jackets - swimming in bile
silence - forgot the tone of your voice
independence - fuck you
improvisation - find my way alone

katie's re-occurring nightmare

I had just fallen asleep.
Eyes moving in REM
Door creaks, startling my subconscious state
"Keep your eyes closed,
Maybe he won't try if he thinks you're sleeping."
I shut them hard, lashes to cheek,
Still he inches closer.
I feel his weight on the corner of the bed.
His fingers touch my toes.
Instantly I'm jolted by nausea.
His hands are moving quickly.
"Keep your eyes closed, just lay still."
I lay flat, lifeless, a dead fish,
Make it hard for him to move.
I feel his ribs and hips against mine.
The nauseous feeling is overwhelming now.
I can't help it; everything comes up.
"You stupid cunt, now he knows you're awake."

I feel my flesh burning
As he punishes me for getting sick.
At this point, the pain has turned to numbness-
No more acting; I was lifeless, a dead fish.
he slaps my bare skin once more
Before retying the drawstring of his flannel pajamas.
He pets my hair softly, as silent tears stream own my cheeks.
He drops a towel on my lifeless carcass;
I think it was for the vomit and blood.
He said, "Goodnight, Katie."
"Goodnight, Uncle Frank," I said before nestling back into my grave.

Dolls

hand-painted faces
porcelain china skin, pale white
curls of golden brown

cheeks pink with powder
lips smeared red with crimson ink
full lashes shine black

dyed hair, press-on nails
layers of unneeded bull
bangled wrists hide scars

verbs

Love to pretend.
Pretend to care.
Care to remember?
Remember to forget.
Forget to cry.
Cry to feel.
Feel to find.
Find to create.
Create to renovate.
Renovate to learn.
Learn to fly.
Fly to live.
Live to love.

the truth about forever

how long you can last while the wolves are gnawing at your ankles
space between two hearts that have been ripped from the chests of those trying to love
time between decapitation and losing function in your brain
ten feet between you and your baseball bat, when the zombie is only five feet away
seconds between the needle touching your skin and the rush to the head
yearning of the flower who longs for the sun in the depths of winter
memory of your first love, your first kiss
last breath before the oxygen has been cut off and after your lips have turned purple
pain of the puncture mixed with the dizziness of losing blood
lump in your throat when you’ve realized that your love is gone
flutter of your heart when you understand that it’s for good this time
minutes it takes for the glass to shatter, sending splinters to your eyes
length of the rope that lowers the casket into the ground
blade of the knife as it cuts deep enough to feel but not enough to harm
pressure of your fingertips as you hold the last chord
burn of the whiskey as it cleanses your throat

the time it’s taken you to forget about me.

follow your heart

to the land of paltonomy and feratocity
where fribjous mandibles play with the extilopitous jowls
and tillisks are filled with sweet supturienne nectar
you’ll find me there
in the land that you devour
cocktails of wee-gilly make us tipsy
and alcopticators are forced to watch
as we enjoy every moment
succumb to your pliquental vesfippity
join us where the zamtassels tower over the splestin
covering the entire land in their shade
forget your shomburists and filtobitours
they’ll forget you
feel the joy in authentic limensity
let it devour you

the girl who fell in love with the mirror

bloody, tear-stained veil lines her neck.
dress made from silkened ruffles hangs from her shoulders.
strawberry curls frame her rouge-smeared cheeks
fall down to the small of her back.
eyes naked from the salt
lips pouting, pinched red.
fingernails nubby and bloody, bitten raw
painted toes, fuchsia, beautiful.
hips poking, skin tight, veins

if only you could see how pitiful you look.

creation myth

painted the roses red
at one time, they were white.
but we decided instead,
it'd be better if they were red.

hung flowers from the trees
a sight of thorny color bright.
they were barren, few leaves,
now they're pretty, powerful trees.

folded paper into mushrooms, brown
nestled in grass, shading the light.
placed them on corners all over town,
paper mushrooms made of beautiful brown.

ice beauty

I stumbled across her lifeless body, frozen.

She was angelic, her skin pure and pale.

Her lips, a very faint pink, almost purple,

Golden curls framed her face.

Her clothing was sheer. I could see her insides.

The blood that used to flow through her veins was cold, frozen, dark.

Her organs were shriveling, dissolving

And her bones, poking out all over.

The sky opened.

Bits of snow began to drift on to her frosty limbs,

Fingers and toes darkening with frostbite.

A layer of ice formed on her face,

Her eyelashes frozen shut, icicles.

Purest of beauty.

Cover her. Save her. Take her.

More than that, love her.

But I was too scared of the cold.

Gently, I kissed her pink lips

And left her sleeping in the snow.

short poem

Embalm me in your memory.
Please, adorn my casket with your tears.
No greater love.

Come into my cocoon,
I’ll let you but only once.
You’re against my better judgment.

Let me trust you,
I want to, but you never gave me the chance.
Come find me, I’ve been waiting.

icarus

When I was younger you always told me not to fly too close to the sun.
I was enticed by defiance.
I wondered what my wings were for if not for flying.
So I began to fly, but never too high.
Fly over treetops, breaking branches.
Fly over lakes, watching ripples.
Fly into the clouds, indulging in the mist.
Too high didn’t seem possible.
My wings were invincible.

When I was younger you always told me not to swim too deep.
I was overwhelmed with curiosity.
I wondered what my fins were for if not for swimming.
So I swam, but never too deep.
Swam through the seaweed, endless.
Swam between schools of fish, scaly.
Swam above the coral, beautiful.
Too deep didn’t seem possible.
My fins did not want to be controlled.

I defied your warning.
I flew too high; I swam too deep.
However, I survived.

I flew higher than I ever had before.
I felt my body burning, dissolving.
I turned into a ball of fire, an enflamed meteor.
My body stayed lit for a while,
But it did not kill me.
My wings were charred, but I could still fly.

I swam deeper than I ever had before.
I felt my fins flying through water, gliding.
Then I felt pressure, my body becoming small, compacted.
I was suctioned to the ocean floor.
I could not breathe; I started to drown.

I was becoming weak, and the water was dark.
I saw a small light, reached out to grab it.
I felt something soft but rigid.
I held tight, I knew I was dying.
It was a whale that saved me,
A whale.
His firm fin guided me to life again.

I flew too high and swam too deep,
I had to, it was my calling.
I know now that if you truly did not want me to fly or swim,
That you would have cut my wings and fins,
But that was not your choice.
Maybe someday, I’ll cut my own wings and fins,
But for now, I will fly too high and swim too deep.

survive

Forget what he said. It doesn’t matter now. And it never did.
He was speaking in tongues, only nonsensical
Language that never held meaning.
We thought it did when we younger,
Perched on your every word,
We were waiting for your hierarchy to fall.
It did, but we survived,
Alone.

I survived, without you.
The grasp you had on my neck has been lifted.
The chains you locked on my ankles have been broken.
I am yours no longer.
Now I am mine.

Pretend he was never yours, never real.
Realize that he was just a figment of what could have been,
Not what is.
Recognize that the sun can still burn you,
And water can drown you.
Don’t let him kill you,
There are better ways to die.

The lion and the Tiger

A lion will always be a lion.
If you start with a lion, you can’t end with the tiger.
A lion can never turn into a tiger.
But a tiger could easily become lion, if he wanted to.
You are either a lion or a tiger, you cannot be both.
If you look and act like a lion, you are one.
You speak in lion.
Language of a lion can be hard to translate, especially if you’re a tiger.
You have to be careful.
When dealing with a lion, understand they can’t help themselves.
Lions have no sensors.
A tiger will never fully understand a lion, and vice versa.
Sometimes tricky lions try to disguise themselves as tigers.
They paint themselves orange with stripes, trying to deceive,
But the lion, will never truly be anything but a lion.
Tigers don’t need to disguise themselves as lions, nor would they try.
They don’t need to be lions, for they are tigers.
Why can’t I forget the lion? Is it because I have yet to find a tiger?

A poem

You know me, or at least you did.
Do you remember when you saved me? The first time?
It was summer – our first summer.
We were so young,
But still, you saved me.
I was slowly dying,
Eyes glazing, arms crossed with scars,
Wearing long sleeves in the summer.
Then, there was you,
And then, there was us.
And we were us for a while,
Until you left for the first time.
But I knew you would never really leave,
And you came back,
You’ve always come back,
And so have I
Until now.

Now,
I’m waiting, alone
For you to come back.
I’ve almost given up this hope,
But in all sincerity, I can’t.
For some reason my heart won’t let you go.
And neither will my dreams –
Every night is a new way to miss you.
Sometimes I hear you, or see you.
They’re never the same,
Always new, like you’re still here.
Sometimes I go all day thinking that I’ve been with you
The night before, because you were there,
To me – but only me.

I’m sorry for telling you no,
Telling you to stop.
Now all I want is you, back here.
Ironic a little?
I can only remember how much I’ve taken you
For granted.

Thank you for loving me,
Showing me how to love.
Even if you weren’t always true,
I was, will be.
Please be happy now,
If you’re not this was all in vain,
A waste.

I’ll always let you come back.
Love?